HAPPY DAY!

Th boys are safe and sound. The have been taken to their new foster family. I feel like the Red Sea has been parted! I am so overwhelmed with joy that I am at a loss for words. That is not normal for me, I know. I am going to keep these short so I can go jump on the bed with my kids and shout Hosannas to the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks you to everyone who prayed for them!
I love you all!

My good friend "MEL"

Mel and I were first introduced by my father in law, as I sat on the tarmac of the JFK airport, headed for Ghana. Mel showed up a few times in Ghana and then again the first few days when I came back home. We lost track each other for a little. Once in a while I would run into Mel at Costco and remember the good times we shared in Africa. In January, I was taking to a friend about the new turn my life was taken and turns out we had a mutual friend in Mel too and she suggested we reconnect. We were reunited. Since then we have had a great friendship. Mel is great! I think highly of Mel. Mel has gotten me through the most rocky parts of these past few months. Mel is so wonderful that I have introduced Mel to other friends and their relationship with Mel has blossomed too. Mel has never let me down.

Our introduction went a little like this " Aimee, it is the middle of night in Ghana. This is Melatonin ( Mel for short). It will help you sleep and when you wake up we will be in Ghana.

Yes, my good friend melatonin has never let me down. I have had so many nights that I lay there with so many thoughts that won't turn off. But as soon as I take melatonin I am fast asleep in about 15 minutes.

So, the reason I'm posting this is to let other people know that melatonin is a great, safe way to go if you need a little help sleeping. It just gently tells your body to go to sleep ( kind of like singing you a lullaby and playing with your hair). You don't wake up groggy or crazed. It's not a prescription, it's pretty cheap, and it works!

Last night was one of those nights for me. After tossing and turning for an hour I took good ol' mel and fell fast asleep. Refreshed and ready to face a new day of kids off track, mountains of laundry, stains in the carpet and anything else the world of adoption decides to throws at me today.

HEY! Shout out to all my new peeps headed for Haiti now! Be safe! Give all those sweet children extra hugs and kisses for me. I wish I could have gone too but my life is a little crazy. Next time though! Oh, hope you don't forget Mel! You may need it!

Lies, lies, lies lies and oh, more lies!

There is little group of remarkable women that have been fighting tooth and nail for LH. They have founded nutritional programs, educational scholarship programs, even adopted from LH. They believed K was a a noble man trying to do good in a country stricken with poverty and the children who suffered the most from it. As the past few days unfold we learn more and more about his lies and deceit. I am lucky I never had to deal directly with him on the matters of adoption, but he still broke my heart with his lies. I fell in love with two children, who I was told had no family at all. Then, when K's lies all started coming back to haunt him he ran from the authorities taking the two boys with him. He turned himself in but still no boys. Rumors are swirling that he took them back to their parents. So, he lied about them then, or he is lying now...who knows. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Even if they are with parents then do they have food? Social welfare is supposed to follow up on this. I don't know what to think.
I have agonized over this for months. I can not even put words to the amount of pain I have felt these past months. I am grateful to those who know my heart and kept me in the loop. I am grateful for friends who talked me out of very dark moments. I am grateful for every prayer that was uttered in their behalf. It's still not over for me until I have confirmation that all is well with those sweet spirits.
There is still a huge mess to clean up,
Truth to get down to,
Stories to figure out
and hearts that need to heal.

Searching

Please, Please, read this link.
Thank you for all your effort FPM!

I framed a picture of the boys and it sits on my desk. I am still am not sure if Heavenly Father wants them to be mine. I aired my thoughts and I know he heard me. I am waiting to see what he does next. None the less, I love them like they are mine. I always will. Pray that we find them and that they will be accounted for and safe.

Ghana, the beautiful

I have made several friends lately who are connected to Ghana. A lot of those people, including me, are struggling right now and trying to make sense of everything that has happened in the past few months. If you go back in by old blogs from last year and read this, You will read about what I felt when I first stepped foot into the world of Lucky Hills. Little did I know, or all my other recent friends, that it was not so lucky after all. It was not what it seemed. It seems that all the yucky stuff we have learned is overpowering all the wonderful stuff that makes up Ghana. My friend asked for those who share this connection to Ghana to post a comment on her blog about what we love about that country. I decided to blog it on here instead, because I love do many things about that beautiful place.

1. I love the bright, over sized AKWABA sign on that tiny airport.
2. I love the pineapple! It is so sweet and juicy...even though its fruit is white and not yellow. Oh, I would go all the way back just for that!
3. I love how the oranges look like limes.
4. I like how a dress sold on the street is one size fits all.
5. I love how they have 6 different flavors of Fanta and they come in glass bottles with the perfect amount of carbonation.
6. I love how they want you to give back the bottle so you have to drink it in front of them, it gives you time to talk to them.
7. I love how they take so much pride in the fact that I am interested in something they do.
8. I love they they all laughed and cheered at eh bead market, when I bought a scarf and had the lady tie it in my hair the Ghanaian way.
9. I love how the children run out to me from anywhere just to feel my white, fuzzy arms.
10. I love how some of those termites mound where over 7 feet tall.
11. I love how the people would stare at us and as soon as I smiled they would flash their white grins and I felt like I had made a friend for life.
12. I loved how when I went to Bernices to get fitted for skirt, I asked her to make it a few inches smaller in the waist because I was still losing weight and she asked me why I would want to lose weight. Come on, what girl would not love that!
13. I love how those kids ran by the side of the car as we pulled into LH.
14. I love my video of all the kids singing the Ghana anthem as loud as they possible can. I am trying to get it posted on here. It is a treasure.
15. I love those two very special boys and what they taught me about love.
16. I love how I felt when those beautiful children sang I am a child of God to me as they kissed my hands and arms goodbye.
17. I love all those regal women carrying a baby on their back and a jug of water on their head.
18. I love the miles of miles of bumpy roads lined with villages.
19. I love that I was so welcomed at church.
20. I love my Relief Society Class and that the instructor asked if I had a "contribution" (in her thick accent) to make to the lesson.
21. I loved sitting in the temple with my Ghanaian brother and sisters and seeing the contrast of their beautiful dark faces with their white clothing.
22. I love the kindness that radiated from the people.
23. I love the way they are so willing to except the gospel and live its teachings.
24. I love the friends that I made through my experience there.
25.I love what Ghana taught me about how to be a better person.

I know there is still so much more that I could say but this is what first comes to my mind when I think of Ghana. I am proud of my connection. I love Ghana!

Out on Bail

Yes, he is out on bail and roaming Ghana free. We still do not have the boys. All the other children are safe. I am praying for the boys safety. Please pray that they will be found.

In Jail!

K has turned himself in but the boys are still missing. They are hopeful they will find them soon but this ordeal is not over for them until they are safe and provided for. Keep praying!

Girl P found

Girl P has been found! But where are the boys?
They are small and weak. K can not get very far with them. I hope we find them as quickly as boy P and girl P. We have found a safe, loving home with a LDS Ghanian family. We just need to find them and get them there.

Asking you to pray

I am posting a link from another girl who I know that has the biggest heart and has been working none stop to help the children of LH. I said before that bad things are happening there and they continue to happen. I know that some of the people who read this blog have Ghana connections so please pass on this news. One other boy, P, was taken as well but has since been found. The police are looking for the orphanage director K. We are asking him to turn himself in. To read more on this visit the full plate mama. I am asking everyone to pray for these helpless children.

Pins and Needles

I am on pins and needles today!
Thing are supposed to happen soon to children that I have grown to love as my own. It may be traumatic for them. They may be happy about it. I don't know how it will go down. I just sit on the other side of the world and wait for news. I have done all I can think of doing. I have tried to assist other women, who I have grown to admire and envy, as they have tried to find a safe place for these children. I don't know if they are mine yet. Some days I receive encouragement that it is still possible, but most days I see no possibilities. I do know that I was supposed to come this far on the journey for a reason. Maybe my efforts will lead to their happiness in a different way than I had imagined and that was Gods plan for me all along. I can tell you what I think is right for them but it may be different from what God knows is right for them. Maybe when all the dust settles I will see a brighter path for bringing them here. If not, I can hopefully take comfort in them being loved by another mother that has been provided for them. If I know they have a mother who will hold them tight, teach them the gospel and and love them forever... I will be very happy with the outcome. Who ever their mother turns out to be will be so blessed by them. Every child deserves to have a mother and a safe place. In seeing all I have seen in the past year I have learned that these two things are among the bare necessities for children. They have neither right now. Hopefully that will change very soon.

Meanwhile, a little closer to us ("a little" mind you). Things are looking up again. We are starting the process over. I hope it won't take as long as they are anticipating. I am optimistic again.
My new found passion helps me to deal with the waiting. I have been meeting wonderful people who have similar passions. I know I am forging friendships that will become a great strength to me as we go down this road together. I feel like I am doing good in the world and maybe even fulfilling my motherly duties to my children I have yet to meet in this lifetime. With the opportunities I see in my near future I am excited and scared at the same time.

My Zion

First of all, I need to say thank you to those who knew my heart and realized it didn't have to have any kind of documentation to love a child the way a mother would. Because of you, I can breathe today. My heart is still heavy and I am trying to process events that have transpired, but I can breathe.

I know that I have learned a lot about myself, others and God in the past few months. Whatever happened or will happen, I can not or will not deny those things. I have repented of falling into that trap for a few days. He is restoring my faith, moment by moment.

Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.
D&C 101: 16

I have seen small glimpses of my Zion. My children are there, peppered with chocolate skin. He has shown me this and I will not deny it. I will not turn back or give up searching for the rest of them because things did not go as I had planned. It went as He had planned. He knows all and I know little, except that he needs me to be strong and faithful.

I am going to be still for a little while. I will watch His mysteries unfold and I will know when He needs me act.

loss for words

I realized it does not take a piece of paper stating you are someones mother to indeed make your heart feel like you are someones mother. I am at a loss for words. That's pretty uncommon for me, I know. There is a lot of pain and grieving going on right now for a lot of good people that I have met on this journey. I am grieving. I don't now what it feels like to lose a child but it must feel like this. Someone dear to me, who has lost a child, told me once that everyday gets a little better until you have more happiness and less sorrow. Please prayer for the children of Lucky Hills, and for the families of those involved in this painful mess.

Pray also for the sweet children of Haiti.

People have asked me if I am still doing Mothers For Haiti despite what has happened. My answer to them is "Yes, of coarse I am". Those children need us more then ever now.

Sometimes I think he gives us a loss for words because we need to be more focused on the listening part. I'm listening.

An even worse blow

I'll just say it because I need to get the info out and I don't want to rehash the details of the past hour. Basically, I am not getting my kids from Haiti either. I don't understand. I thought my heart hurt a few days ago but I am ...dyeing inside, now.

I'm confused and angry.

The other day I had a dream about this super boy. All the children came from Haiti and all the mothers were standing around waiting for their kids. People were pointing to mothers and children would get a big grin and run with open arms to them. They would embrace laugh and leave together to start their life. I was waving my arms around because no one would look at me and I wanted my child. Finally this superboy showed up and I knew he was mine I thought he was running to me but he did not even see me and ran to a lady behind me. Then no kids were left and I was all alone. I woke up so sad and could not breathe. I feel like I'm living that same dream but its real this time.

A heavy heart and an answered prayer

This is my first adoption experience ever so I don't know what is normal. All I know is what is real to me, and feelings of the heart are real to me.
Let me go back a few months to when the boys circled back into my life. I really was faced with the huge task of discovering, in myself, if I could take on two beautiful children with some quite apparent disabilities and challenges. I prayed a lot and went to the temple a lot. Each time gaining insight to myself, my heart, and Heavenly Fathers trust in me. To help me know the answers to my question, I had to see myself as their mother. I had to think of them as a part of this family. I had to visualize ours days with school, homework, doctor appointments, family trips, were they would sleep, etc. I figured it all out and came to the conclusion that we could do this.
That was when I was feeling bleak about Haiti. But things started to happen there as well and I was stuck trying to figure out which path to take, if I indeed had to chose. It has been hard for me going back and forth from Haiti to Ghana (worst jetlag then the actually plane ride, I'm sure). I have even tried to figure out how I could have it both ways. Maybe I would only get one child from Haiti and still get the boys? Maybe I could do four? I would quit my work for Primary Childrens for a while, maybe Mothers for Haiti was not as big as I hoped it would become... I would have my children and I could be happy with that, right?
I decided to pray more fervently lately about my children. If they were in Haiti, I needed to know soon or my window for the boys would close. I felt like everything has been in limbo. I knew things where falling apart for adoptions in Ghana but I still thought if God wanted it to happen it would, so I was not too discouraged.
My answer came today. Not directly from Heavenly Father but from information a good friend felt she needed to inform me of. LH adoptions are closed for more reasons then she was at liberty to share with me. She said it was bad and that they would not be able to be adopted. I told her how I was atleast going to pay for their eductaion and she told me that I should not send any money to LH either. I am trying to be a vague as I can so that I don't upset anyone who might read my blog and have connections to LH.
My heart is broken. I don't know how I would have come to the decisions I did with out putting myself in that tender place. I think Heavenly Father wanted me to go there for other reasons yet known to me. I was there and now my heart hurts. I feel a hole inside of me were a vision of two little brown faces waking me up in the morning use to be. I am sure it will all make sense to me someday. Thats my faith speaking to me. But, right now, I'm very sad.
On the other hand, I don't need to feel the pressure any longer of chosing between two countries. I know my children will come home. I am sure they are in Haiti and I hear good things are happening. Now, I just need to wait and prepare myself and my family, spiritually and physically, for their homecoming.
They say that Heavenly Fathers answers prays either with a "yes", a "no", or a "not right now". I got "not right now" for a while so I know it was a journey he wanted me to take. The "no" stings a lot but it feels more like a "My sweet daughter, I love you. I know this must hurt you but I need you trust me on this." So I will.